brabbel123 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brabbel123) wrote2006-09-17 09:16 pm
brabbel123) wrote2006-09-17 09:16 pm
Stargate: SG-1 and Stargate: Atlantis quotes
Well, since I've spent the last couple of months watching the whole 9 seasons of SG-1, I decided to share all the quotes I've written down. Unfortunately, I started quite late with taking notes, so I quite probably missed out on a lot of good ones... but I'm rewatching my favourite episodes of the earlier seasons right now, so perhaps I'll add quotes from those episodes (and from SGA which I actually rewatched prior to my SG-1 marathon...) later on. Overall though: I just can't get enough of Stargate, in either variation. But that's a topic for another entry - a "let's drool over Stargate"-entry that's sure to come in the near future. *g*
My all time favourite quote is from SG-1's 200th episode, aptly called "200":
puppet-Hammond: Sergeant, make it spin.
puppet-Walter: Spin? Sir, it doesn't spin.
puppet-Hammond: What? It has to spin. It's round. Spinning is so much cooler than not spinning. I'm the general. I want it to spin. Now.
That one cracks me up every time I watch that episode... "spinning is so much cooler than not spinning"... hilarious to hear that out of the mouth of the so dignified Hammond...
What I also love about both shows are the frequent references to Star Trek, Star Wars, The Simpsons and various others - and the fact that they don't take themselves too seriously (see "200"). But before I'm starting to ramble on and on here, I'll just post the other quotes under the cut...
SG-1 - The Broca-Divide
Jack O'Neill: Lucy, I'm home!
Teal'C: I am not Lucy.
Teal'C: What is an Oprah?
Primitive caveman Daniel brandishing a bone with raw meat, sitting next to primitive cave-woman...
Jack: Daniel, Daniel....keep this up and you'll have a girl on every planet.
SG-1 - Solitudes
Sam Carter: Sir?
Jack: It's my sidearm, I swear!
SG-1 - The Serpent's Lair
Jack: I think that Sam means, "What do we do now?"
Bra'Tac: Now we die.
Jack: Well, that's a bad plan.
SG-1 - Holiday
Jack: It did not go well, General Hammond.
Teal'C: Ya think?!?
SG-1 - The Other Side
Jack: So, what's your impression of Valar?
Teal'C: That he is concealing something.
Jack: Like what?
Teal'C: I'm not sure. He is concealing it.
SG-1 - Window of Opportunity
in the middle of a game of golf through the gate
Hammond: COLONEL!!!
Jack: WHAT? In the middle of my backswing???
still at it
Jack: How far away is this planet?
Teal'C: Several hundred light-years.
Jack: That's gotta be a record.
Jack: I'm telling you, Teal'C. If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it.
Teal'C just stares at O'Neill
Jack: Lose it. It means, "Go crazy." "Nuts." "Insane." "Bonzo." "No longer in possession of one's faculties." "Three fries short of a Happy Meal." "WACKO!!!!!!"
Jack: What kind of an archaeologist carries a weapon?
Daniel Jackson (meekly raising his hand): Um... I do!
SG-1 - Beneath the Surface
Jack: I remember something. There is a man. He's bald and wears a short sleeved shirt, and somehow he's very important to me... I think his name is Homer.
Sam: Doesn't ring a bell.
SG-1 - Scorched Earth
Daniel: Any intelligent being capable of building something like that has to be capable of reason.
Sam: Question is, will they listen.
Jack: The real question is, will they have ears?
SG-1 - Tangent
Jack: Uh...Teal'C, on our "6", is that what I think it is?
Teal'C: If you think it is the Earth, yes.
Jack: It's shrinking.
Teal'C: Its size remains constant. Rather, it is we who are moving away at extreme velocity.
Jacob Carter: So, how do you intend to get them out of the glider once we get there? There's no chance it would fit into the cargobay.
Daniel: We were hoping you would... like... beam them out.
Jacob: What am I? Scotty?
SG-1 - Point of No Return
Martin: A top secret government programme, involving instantaneous travel to other solar systems by means of a device known as a stargate.
Jack: Sounds like a good idea for a TV-show if you're into that sort of thing.
Martin: Doesn't the Geneva Convention cover extraterrestrials?
Newspaper headline: Headless alien found in topless bar.
SG-1 - The Curse
Jack: We'll be unavailable, inaccessible...
Hammond: Incommunicado.
Jack: Minnesota, sir.
Hammond: I stand corrected.
SG-1 - Chain Reaction
Kinsey: Given the chance, half of the American citizens won't even vote, and the half that do vote are too stupid to know what they're doing.
Jack: Which explains how you got elected.
SG-1 - Exodus
Sam: I've just never blown up a star before.
Jack: Well, they say the first one's always the hardest.
SG-1 - Ascension
Sam: Hey guys, what are you doing here?
Jack: We brought pizzas and a movie.
Teal'C: Star Wars.
Jack: He's seen it, what? Eight times?
Teal'C: Nine.
Jack: Nine times. If Teal'C likes it, it's got to be okay.
SG-1 - Red Sky
Jack: I'm not asking you to change the course of their cultural development. Just fix the damn sun.
Sam: Sir, I've been thinking.
Jack: I'd be shocked if you ever stopped.
Jack: It's your call, general. I only understand about 1% of what she says half the time.
SG-1 - Meridian
Jack: A weapon of mass destruction can only be used for one thing. Now, you might think that it will ensure peace and freedom, but I guarantee you it'll never have the effect you're hoping for until you use it... at least once.
SG-1 - Redemption
Jack: I can be as diplomatic and openminded as anyone. (Teal'C snorts) Hammond is insisting SG-1 needs a sociopolitical nerd to offset our overwhelming coolness.
McKay: We know that certain waves travel both directions through the wormhole... our radio signals for one.
Sam: So what, we call Anubis and ask him to stop?
McKay: Yeah, "Hey, Anubis, this is your agent. You're playing it way off the top. Can you get serious, please?"
SG-1 - Cure
Chancellor: They're sending their most respected team of representatives, no doubt the leader of this group will be a brilliant and savvy negotiator.
Military leader: We must be at our best to match the challenge.
Chancellor: Personally, I cannot wait to meet a man of such genius.
Enter SG-1
Jack: Howdy folks!
SG-1 - The Other Guys
Jaffa: Konzu is dead.
Jack: Dead? Completely dead or semi dead? You guys seem to have a grey area in that regard.
Jaffa: No matter what you have endured you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
Jack (writhing in pain): You ended that sentence with a preposition, bastard.
SG-1 - Unnatural Selection
Jack: Suffice it to say you might wanna get upstairs and punch 1 on the old speed dial.
Hammond: My grandchildren?
Jack: 2 then. I think the president might wanna know what the Asgard have in mind for our new ship.
Sam: What didn't they go for?
Jack: The name I suggested.
Sam: For the ship?
Jack: Yeah.
Sam: Sir, we can't call it the Enterprise.
SG-1 - Full Circle
Jack (bemused upon seeing ascended Daniel in the elevator): I'm sure that was an Aspirin I took this morning.
SG-1 - Fallen
Townsman: He is Jaffa.
Jack: No, but he plays one on TV.
Jack: Last year you died.
Daniel: I'm dead?
Jack: Obviously not.
SG-1 - Heroes
Jack: Next time I want *arms* on my bullet-proof vest.
SG-1 - The Lost City
Jack: You are so wrong. It's a perfect analogy. Burns as Goa'Uld.
Teal'C: They are merely animated characters, O'Neill.
Jack: You are so shallow.
Daniel: Oh Please! Teal'C's like one of the deepest people I know. He's so deep. Come on! Tell'em how deep you are. You'll be lucky if you understand this.
Teal'C: My depth is immaterial to this conversation.
Daniel: Oh! See?
Jack: No more beer for you.
Sam: I'm sorry sir, but I have to agree. I don't see the connection.
Jack: Alright that does it. You know the entire VHS collection was going to one of you. Its going to Siler. He gets it.
SG-1 - Lock Down
Jack: It's been one decision after another, Daniel! The kitchen received a delivery of yukon gold potatoes instead of the usual russets. Apparantly they don't mash the same. Meanwhile the Russian team is pressuring me to appoint one of their men to SG1.
Daniel: So what did you tell them?
Jack: I told them to make french fries instead.
SG-1 - Avatar
Jack: Carter, all I heard was Matrix, and I found those films quite confusing.
SG-1 - Affinity
Jack: You haven't tried to confuse me with any scientific babble in the last few days. And that's a red flag to me.
SG-1 - Prometheus Unbound
Daniel: My name is Olo... Hans Olo.
SG-1 - Moebius
Sam: Sir, didn't you in the video say that there's no fish in your pond?
Jack (ponders that a little, then shrugs): Close enough.
SG-1 - 200
Martin: How am I supposed to tell a story without my lead character?
Mitchell: Easy. Just bring in a character to replace him. (Everyone stares at him...) What?
Teal'C: I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode.
Martin: Explosions make great trailers. More explosions - better trailer. Better trailer - more viewers.
Daniel: One, that's Star Trek. And two, it's ridiculous.
Mitchell: Never underestimate your audience. They are generally sensitive, intelligent people who respond positively to quality entertainment.
Vala: Wait, are you saying that Jack O'Neill's...
Mitchell: ... my daddy?
Daniel: It's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?
puppet-Hammond: I do know this. we need to put together a team starting with the most beautiful, battleready scientific genius I know: Captain Doctor Samantha Carter. [...] Next, we need a bookworm adventurer who can say brains and guts in 27 languages: Doctor Daniel Jackson. [...] And now, what this team needs is a leader, someone who will laugh in the face of his enemies even when it's inappropriate: Colonel Jack O'Neill.
puppet-Jack: Haven't I told you I retired?
puppet-Hammond: Oh, I thought you said you were tired.
puppet-Sam: Aren't you the least bit curious about what's out there?
puppet-Jack: Well, I'm just hoping we'd find some new meat for the team, preferably something bald, mysterious, you know, the warrior type with lots of, you know, muscles.
puppet-Sam: Sir, the odds against any alien life forms we encounter looking remotely human are astronomical.
puppet-Walter: Chevron 1 lit up!! [...] (considerably less enthused) Chevron 7 also lit up.
Vala: Wow, I don't think anyone will see that coming.
Daniel: No, there'll be spoilers.
Sam: Are you kidding? It will be in the commercial!
Martin: They hate the ending. I've to think of something new.
Jack: They could go fishing.
Martin: Fishing?
Jack: Yeah. It would be the perfect ending. I mean, after that anything else would seem pointless.
Martin: So, what's the twist? No fish?
Daniel: You know if she doesn't show, everybody will think that you and I're...
Jack (after giving Daniel a hard look): What?
SGA - The Rising
Wraith: We don't need our food to agree with us.
Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?
SGA - Grace under Pressure
McKay: I'm arguing with myself about who had an idea first: Me or... me.
McKay: There's brilliant and then there's me.
McKay: So, my hallucination is saying no to me?!?
SGA - Inferno
Sheppard: I guess we're all gonna die.
McKay: You're doing that on purpose. You're creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome.
I just have to repeat myself: You simply gotta love those script writers!!
My all time favourite quote is from SG-1's 200th episode, aptly called "200":
puppet-Hammond: Sergeant, make it spin.
puppet-Walter: Spin? Sir, it doesn't spin.
puppet-Hammond: What? It has to spin. It's round. Spinning is so much cooler than not spinning. I'm the general. I want it to spin. Now.
That one cracks me up every time I watch that episode... "spinning is so much cooler than not spinning"... hilarious to hear that out of the mouth of the so dignified Hammond...
What I also love about both shows are the frequent references to Star Trek, Star Wars, The Simpsons and various others - and the fact that they don't take themselves too seriously (see "200"). But before I'm starting to ramble on and on here, I'll just post the other quotes under the cut...
SG-1 - The Broca-Divide
Jack O'Neill: Lucy, I'm home!
Teal'C: I am not Lucy.
Teal'C: What is an Oprah?
Primitive caveman Daniel brandishing a bone with raw meat, sitting next to primitive cave-woman...
Jack: Daniel, Daniel....keep this up and you'll have a girl on every planet.
SG-1 - Solitudes
Sam Carter: Sir?
Jack: It's my sidearm, I swear!
SG-1 - The Serpent's Lair
Jack: I think that Sam means, "What do we do now?"
Bra'Tac: Now we die.
Jack: Well, that's a bad plan.
SG-1 - Holiday
Jack: It did not go well, General Hammond.
Teal'C: Ya think?!?
SG-1 - The Other Side
Jack: So, what's your impression of Valar?
Teal'C: That he is concealing something.
Jack: Like what?
Teal'C: I'm not sure. He is concealing it.
SG-1 - Window of Opportunity
in the middle of a game of golf through the gate
Hammond: COLONEL!!!
Jack: WHAT? In the middle of my backswing???
still at it
Jack: How far away is this planet?
Teal'C: Several hundred light-years.
Jack: That's gotta be a record.
Jack: I'm telling you, Teal'C. If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it.
Teal'C just stares at O'Neill
Jack: Lose it. It means, "Go crazy." "Nuts." "Insane." "Bonzo." "No longer in possession of one's faculties." "Three fries short of a Happy Meal." "WACKO!!!!!!"
Jack: What kind of an archaeologist carries a weapon?
Daniel Jackson (meekly raising his hand): Um... I do!
SG-1 - Beneath the Surface
Jack: I remember something. There is a man. He's bald and wears a short sleeved shirt, and somehow he's very important to me... I think his name is Homer.
Sam: Doesn't ring a bell.
SG-1 - Scorched Earth
Daniel: Any intelligent being capable of building something like that has to be capable of reason.
Sam: Question is, will they listen.
Jack: The real question is, will they have ears?
SG-1 - Tangent
Jack: Uh...Teal'C, on our "6", is that what I think it is?
Teal'C: If you think it is the Earth, yes.
Jack: It's shrinking.
Teal'C: Its size remains constant. Rather, it is we who are moving away at extreme velocity.
Jacob Carter: So, how do you intend to get them out of the glider once we get there? There's no chance it would fit into the cargobay.
Daniel: We were hoping you would... like... beam them out.
Jacob: What am I? Scotty?
SG-1 - Point of No Return
Martin: A top secret government programme, involving instantaneous travel to other solar systems by means of a device known as a stargate.
Jack: Sounds like a good idea for a TV-show if you're into that sort of thing.
Martin: Doesn't the Geneva Convention cover extraterrestrials?
Newspaper headline: Headless alien found in topless bar.
SG-1 - The Curse
Jack: We'll be unavailable, inaccessible...
Hammond: Incommunicado.
Jack: Minnesota, sir.
Hammond: I stand corrected.
SG-1 - Chain Reaction
Kinsey: Given the chance, half of the American citizens won't even vote, and the half that do vote are too stupid to know what they're doing.
Jack: Which explains how you got elected.
SG-1 - Exodus
Sam: I've just never blown up a star before.
Jack: Well, they say the first one's always the hardest.
SG-1 - Ascension
Sam: Hey guys, what are you doing here?
Jack: We brought pizzas and a movie.
Teal'C: Star Wars.
Jack: He's seen it, what? Eight times?
Teal'C: Nine.
Jack: Nine times. If Teal'C likes it, it's got to be okay.
SG-1 - Red Sky
Jack: I'm not asking you to change the course of their cultural development. Just fix the damn sun.
Sam: Sir, I've been thinking.
Jack: I'd be shocked if you ever stopped.
Jack: It's your call, general. I only understand about 1% of what she says half the time.
SG-1 - Meridian
Jack: A weapon of mass destruction can only be used for one thing. Now, you might think that it will ensure peace and freedom, but I guarantee you it'll never have the effect you're hoping for until you use it... at least once.
SG-1 - Redemption
Jack: I can be as diplomatic and openminded as anyone. (Teal'C snorts) Hammond is insisting SG-1 needs a sociopolitical nerd to offset our overwhelming coolness.
McKay: We know that certain waves travel both directions through the wormhole... our radio signals for one.
Sam: So what, we call Anubis and ask him to stop?
McKay: Yeah, "Hey, Anubis, this is your agent. You're playing it way off the top. Can you get serious, please?"
SG-1 - Cure
Chancellor: They're sending their most respected team of representatives, no doubt the leader of this group will be a brilliant and savvy negotiator.
Military leader: We must be at our best to match the challenge.
Chancellor: Personally, I cannot wait to meet a man of such genius.
Enter SG-1
Jack: Howdy folks!
SG-1 - The Other Guys
Jaffa: Konzu is dead.
Jack: Dead? Completely dead or semi dead? You guys seem to have a grey area in that regard.
Jaffa: No matter what you have endured you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
Jack (writhing in pain): You ended that sentence with a preposition, bastard.
SG-1 - Unnatural Selection
Jack: Suffice it to say you might wanna get upstairs and punch 1 on the old speed dial.
Hammond: My grandchildren?
Jack: 2 then. I think the president might wanna know what the Asgard have in mind for our new ship.
Sam: What didn't they go for?
Jack: The name I suggested.
Sam: For the ship?
Jack: Yeah.
Sam: Sir, we can't call it the Enterprise.
SG-1 - Full Circle
Jack (bemused upon seeing ascended Daniel in the elevator): I'm sure that was an Aspirin I took this morning.
SG-1 - Fallen
Townsman: He is Jaffa.
Jack: No, but he plays one on TV.
Jack: Last year you died.
Daniel: I'm dead?
Jack: Obviously not.
SG-1 - Heroes
Jack: Next time I want *arms* on my bullet-proof vest.
SG-1 - The Lost City
Jack: You are so wrong. It's a perfect analogy. Burns as Goa'Uld.
Teal'C: They are merely animated characters, O'Neill.
Jack: You are so shallow.
Daniel: Oh Please! Teal'C's like one of the deepest people I know. He's so deep. Come on! Tell'em how deep you are. You'll be lucky if you understand this.
Teal'C: My depth is immaterial to this conversation.
Daniel: Oh! See?
Jack: No more beer for you.
Sam: I'm sorry sir, but I have to agree. I don't see the connection.
Jack: Alright that does it. You know the entire VHS collection was going to one of you. Its going to Siler. He gets it.
SG-1 - Lock Down
Jack: It's been one decision after another, Daniel! The kitchen received a delivery of yukon gold potatoes instead of the usual russets. Apparantly they don't mash the same. Meanwhile the Russian team is pressuring me to appoint one of their men to SG1.
Daniel: So what did you tell them?
Jack: I told them to make french fries instead.
SG-1 - Avatar
Jack: Carter, all I heard was Matrix, and I found those films quite confusing.
SG-1 - Affinity
Jack: You haven't tried to confuse me with any scientific babble in the last few days. And that's a red flag to me.
SG-1 - Prometheus Unbound
Daniel: My name is Olo... Hans Olo.
SG-1 - Moebius
Sam: Sir, didn't you in the video say that there's no fish in your pond?
Jack (ponders that a little, then shrugs): Close enough.
SG-1 - 200
Martin: How am I supposed to tell a story without my lead character?
Mitchell: Easy. Just bring in a character to replace him. (Everyone stares at him...) What?
Teal'C: I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode.
Martin: Explosions make great trailers. More explosions - better trailer. Better trailer - more viewers.
Daniel: One, that's Star Trek. And two, it's ridiculous.
Mitchell: Never underestimate your audience. They are generally sensitive, intelligent people who respond positively to quality entertainment.
Vala: Wait, are you saying that Jack O'Neill's...
Mitchell: ... my daddy?
Daniel: It's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?
puppet-Hammond: I do know this. we need to put together a team starting with the most beautiful, battleready scientific genius I know: Captain Doctor Samantha Carter. [...] Next, we need a bookworm adventurer who can say brains and guts in 27 languages: Doctor Daniel Jackson. [...] And now, what this team needs is a leader, someone who will laugh in the face of his enemies even when it's inappropriate: Colonel Jack O'Neill.
puppet-Jack: Haven't I told you I retired?
puppet-Hammond: Oh, I thought you said you were tired.
puppet-Sam: Aren't you the least bit curious about what's out there?
puppet-Jack: Well, I'm just hoping we'd find some new meat for the team, preferably something bald, mysterious, you know, the warrior type with lots of, you know, muscles.
puppet-Sam: Sir, the odds against any alien life forms we encounter looking remotely human are astronomical.
puppet-Walter: Chevron 1 lit up!! [...] (considerably less enthused) Chevron 7 also lit up.
Vala: Wow, I don't think anyone will see that coming.
Daniel: No, there'll be spoilers.
Sam: Are you kidding? It will be in the commercial!
Martin: They hate the ending. I've to think of something new.
Jack: They could go fishing.
Martin: Fishing?
Jack: Yeah. It would be the perfect ending. I mean, after that anything else would seem pointless.
Martin: So, what's the twist? No fish?
Daniel: You know if she doesn't show, everybody will think that you and I're...
Jack (after giving Daniel a hard look): What?
SGA - The Rising
Wraith: We don't need our food to agree with us.
Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?
SGA - Grace under Pressure
McKay: I'm arguing with myself about who had an idea first: Me or... me.
McKay: There's brilliant and then there's me.
McKay: So, my hallucination is saying no to me?!?
SGA - Inferno
Sheppard: I guess we're all gonna die.
McKay: You're doing that on purpose. You're creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome.
I just have to repeat myself: You simply gotta love those script writers!!